The Modern Bully

Courage is Fire, and Bullying is Smoke.

Bullying has become such an epidemic that many parents are pushing to have anti-bullying laws established in all schools. There are countless groups, organizations, and centers that help aid in anti-bullying but it seems there is always an incident that goes unnoticed up until your local news caster announces the death of yet another young adult taken under by bullying. I know that bullying has been apart of our school day lives for quite sometime now so it's not something that is new and should quickly be squashed. I, myself was bullied to the point of many emotional breakdowns. I assume I wasn't the only one but it almost seemed like I was completely alone at the time. So, here in this blog I want to share my story of bullying.

First Day of 5th grade.

I had just moved from a very small town and wasn't too excited about it. I missed my friends that I had become comfortable with and was nervous about these new kids I was now made to spend my days with. I was a very naturally shy child and always hated when the teacher called on me to answer a question, even if I knew the answer I just didn't want to be focused on. The first few days were alright but quickly turned for the worse. This is where I would meet my bully. She was a tomboy type of girl, with long brown hair and a slim frame. She went out for every sport that was available to her and was a very good athlete. She was popular, but not by being the prettiest or friendliest girl in class. I truly believe that she was feared by the other classmates to the point that they just wanted to be her friend rather than her enemy.

Later that year.

The bullying started with the usual your fat, ugly and no one likes you comments. I remember once she actually asked me (in front of other classmates) "why are you so fat"? Now, to give you a description of what I looked like at  that time. I was about 5'5', with short brown hair, and I was about 140 - 150 pounds. I wasn't an obese child but I wasn't skinny either. I honestly was fine with it until I moved to this new school where most kids were head to toe advertisements for Nike and Reebok. I didn't even know what Nike was and was confused when I saw Nike swishes used as classroom decorations along with a life size cardboard cutout of Michael Jordan. Needless to say I was one of the poor kids that had no knowledge of this new expensive lifestyle.

And the beat goes on....

After awhile, her evil comments wasn't all I had to worry about. She began to get physical with me which escalated my fear even more. I can recall on several occasions, of her hitting me so hard that it knocked the breathe out of me. It wasn't until she decided to "up the ante" by placing tacks in my seat when I got up, and waited for me to come back and sit on them. I ended up having to sign a piece of paper with the school basically saying that I wouldn't sue them. What she did was considered a violent act. All of which was done without my parents knowledge but somehow they got away with it. My bully quickly told me the next day that she didn't even get in trouble and proceeded to laugh at me.

Then there was 6th grade.

My mother made sure that this girl and I would not be in the same classroom for my 6th grade year. It was a much better experience but the damage had been done. I became very shy, anxious, and a bit of a loner by the time 6th grade came around. I also met another girl that seemingly had traits of bullydom. She was very pretty and most girls wanted to be her friend. She had a few things to say about me but I was completely numb at the time so I didn't even care.

The day it all came to a halt.

Fast forward to the first week of 7th grade and I am on the school bus heading toward Central Junior High. I was so nervous about meeting new kids and having to deal with the old ones. I just had a feeling it wasn't going to be any better than the years before. I quickly found my way to my first class, it was English 101 and I had only been sitting there mere seconds and already didn't care much for the teacher. I started to become even more nervous while watching the second hand on the clock move closer and closer to the 12. By this time my hands were sweating profusely and my heart racing even faster. I started having this feeling of immense fear come over me. It was all too much to bare so I leaped out of my seat and headed straight to the office to find the school nurse. Weeks later I would learn that I had just experienced my first anxiety attack. I seemed fine at home but as soon as I even had the school building in my sights I completely FREAKED out! I remember sitting in my room and thinking all this stuff I'm feeling is due to a bully that felt the need to pass her own miserable self onto me.

The Brand New Me!!!!

After spending years suffering these panic episodes, I have come to realize that everything happens for a reason and you reap what you sow. I'm not going to say what happened to that girl but it's definitely not a lifestyle I would want, so I feel like I came out on top. No, I do not seek revenge against her or wish her ill will. I believe that all this made me the person I am today. I'm doing my best to walk a path toward God and try to help others along the way. I no longer fear school buildings, in fact I have been in and out of them for several years and they don't bother me.




Thank you for reading my personal account of bullying. Here are a few links to some informational sites.

Beat Bullying

Stand Together

Here are some songs about bullying that I enjoy.

Shinedown - Bully
Demi Lovato - Skyscraper
Three Days Grace - Never Too Late